A New Day

It is quite amazing the difference just a day makes when your baby is in the NICU . Everyday is a little different . There are good days when you find out your little guy gained 1 ounce and then there are the awful days in which you wish never happened.On Thursday when I went to the hospital Emerson seemed to be doing fine . I waited patiently for his feeding so I could hold him, he had his eyes open and looked very content. It was the first day that we had made eye contact. I was soaking up every second singing , " You are my Sunshine" when all of the sudden his monitors were going off . I looked down and my tiny little baby was no longer pink , he had turned bright blue and it all happened so sudden. The nurses quickly took him from me and gave him more oxygen and did what they are trained to do and then he was fine. He had what they call a " Brady" , his heart rate went way down and he had stopped breathing. The next half hour he was a very pale gray but recovering fine. The nurses reassured me that pre-mature babies have these episodes and that he would be ok. It was a nightmare because I was holding him yet could do nothing for him. The worst feeling in the world and at that moment I was just so thankful for modern medicine and a highly experienced nursing staff. Everytime the monitor goes off I panic now and just have this flash back that makes me cry just thinking of it. I pray that this won't happen again to my little Emerson.

Friday was much better and all news started looking up! I was able to hold Emerson for a hour, which I thouroghly enjoyed. He finally was out of the billirubin lights and he is pooping and pottying in almost every diaper. His feedings were bumped up a little higher and he big news he gained an ounce. Emerson is the youngest but the biggest baby in the the NICU and has aquired the nickname , "Big Little Guy" . He won't suck on the preemie pacifier and will only take the big one. I find this kinda funny... he is a big boy! The Greatest news of the day was the Dr. told me that his U/S of his head looked PERFECT . Before Emerson was born they NICU PA came in and explained all of the things that could go wrong with having a pre-mature baby . One of the things was bleeding on the brain that often showed up 5 -7 days after they are born. I couldn't have recieved better news from the Dr. I think it was the greatest news that I had ever heard.

Today was also a great day ! I went to the hospital as usual at about 12:30 and was able to do Kangaroo care with Emerson for about 4 hours. It was so Great for both of us and just what we needed, a little bonding time. He did wonderfully and enjoyed it so much that several times he fell so hard asleep that he would forget to breathe. A little pat on the booty and tickle on his back would wake him up just enough to remind him to breath. The Dr. said that our goal now is cruise control just trying to get him to gain weight. It was a so great to spend this much time at the hospital. I find it very hard living so close knowing that he is there and I am here just a mile away. Every time I leave it is as if I am leaving my soul in the NICU :(